Confronting Hurtful Words and Finding Healing | A Personal Journey Using Chat GPT
Being verbally attacked can be quite intense. The most composed person can squirm when that verbal attack is in a public setting.
And now when we go to share our vulnerable experiences, including being verbally attacked, we have more tools to shape the story than ever before. The newest ‘kid on the block’ of tools, namely ChatGPT, has everyone talking. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it the end of the world, or at least the end of the world as we know it?
My top question is always:
How does one stay in loving God with their whole heart, mind, and soul, and love their neighbor as themselves in the midst of these barrages to our wish to have a peaceful, safe life?
My personal goal is to continuously learn how to stay within the boundaries set when choosing to be Owned By Love. The above question keeps me focused on my goal.
It sounds pretty, doesn’t it? “Owned By Love.” It is an ideal many hold and yet anyone who has taken the path to becoming better owned by love knows it is an all-out war in the spirit, mind, and body to forcefully choose. Its opposite choices like hate, bitterness, indifference, judgment, whining and complaining, blaming, or using power and control are intense pulls indeed. I believe only those who really understand Christ’s message and the freaking genius reasons we are told to act in an opposite direction to our human instincts find the willingness, power, and consistency to be victorious warriors in becoming owned by love and inspiring others to possibly see that path as valuable to themselves. God do I hope you are one of them! There are not enough people on this planet really fighting to learn to live by love instead of indifference, hate, hurt, fear, bitterness, and rage. It’s a ridiculously hard path to choose, but it’s the only one that gives hope of becoming better and possibly helping this world become better by doing the hard things in ourselves first:
The power to positively change and have lasting change in the outside world has been proven to NOT be possible without the internal change of humans.
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The power to positively change and have lasting change in the outside world has been proven to NOT be possible without the internal change of humans. 〰️
Even if one thinks the world is going to hell in a handbasket, it does not give any person the excuse to become like that world going there. Our calling, if you said yes to Christ, is to become lighter even if everything around us becomes darker. And if you have not said yes to Christ, the direct question I have is- How is it working for you when everyone is acting like selfish, hurt, violent souls towards you and those you love? Why would you think that acting like that back to those hurt souls will bring any lasting good? Look at human history. It has been proven over thousands of years that hurt people who hurt other people proliferates the problem and actually exponentially makes it worse!
My belief is that only to the point I have grown my self-control to put up the healthiest boundaries for the love of God, myself, and others can I make a difference in this hurting world. There is a major fire that burns in me so strongly to make a positive change in myself so I can have a positive influence toward change on this earth. Living with this focus helps me live for something worth fighting for and dying a valiant death by not giving up the fight to my last breath.
With this mind and spirit outlook, I turn to the two ‘monsters’ that I was graced to face named a public verbal attack, and the second, the honorable or dishonorable use of Chat GPT.
Let’s talk about Chat GPT first.
For those who are still trying to catch up on what Chat GPT is: It is artificial intelligence that has been unleashed into the whole world. It gets stronger and stronger at ‘learning’ about almost everything. At the moment of this writing, it is quite clunky. It makes plenty of mistakes and has limited knowledge. It helps most right now with helping people write text, many times without much work on a human’s part who is asking for a text to be written on a subject. It has already been used for years by governments. It is also being used to make artwork. It has many applications and people are using it in new and more advanced ways faster than a cancer is capable of growing. It is learning faster than a speeding bullet, and whether you like it or not, it is here to stay until God takes it out.
The truth is, that artificial intelligence is a tool. Tools are not evil or good. A knife is not evil or good. How it is used is the problem. But with ChatGPT, it’s like a knife that is learning how to wield itself without the need for a person to make it function and slice. It is getting stronger at making its own choices so to speak. People who have created this new ‘beast’ have warned that this thing will become more powerful than ourselves. Just like the Industrial Revolution made a whole new world for all to live in forevermore on this planet, unleashed artificial intelligence will definitely make a bigger impact in our lives because it will bring change faster than even what the Industrial Revolution did.
I’m not afraid of artificial intelligence. Love has me and it takes the fear. The only reason to fear artificial intelligence is if you have not faced your fears of pain and death which then makes you a controlling person. I have plenty of areas I am still growing in love to cast out fear, but I have already given up on having any control over artificial intelligence and I just know even more dramatically how I must live by faith in a God who is the truest intelligence there ever will be and He happens to be my Daddy. My Daddy gets to decide what I live and sometimes I don’t like what He allows. But this life is temporary and I can’t stop that. My choice is to become the best I can be as long as I can. ‘Game over’ (death) is inevitable but I get to win at the finish line of this physical life if I just hold on to Love.
So, since I choose to be as much love as I can be, I turn that power into directly looking at ChatGPT as a tool that can be used to help love better. It can be used ethically. Unfortunately, already too many are not using it in a healthy manner, but the only way to possibly make a difference is to use it in the opposite direction: Instead of using it to become lazy by letting it do as much work as possible without human help, or becoming better at manipulating and controlling others with less effort, use it to help inspire people and help them think, use it to help get God’s word out.
There is no light or life in what is produced by artificial intelligence if the human wielding this tool uses it improperly for selfish reasons- I won’t back down on what I just said.
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There is no light or life in what is produced by artificial intelligence if the human wielding this tool uses it improperly for selfish reasons- I won’t back down on what I just said. 〰️
I purposely have love as my ‘horsepower’ and map as I believe this is what Christ taught should be our motives. I believe this motive harnessed to artificial intelligence can make a difference. As an example of how artificial intelligence in the form of ChatGPT can be used for good, I put the text I wrote about being confronted by hurtful words for this blog post into ChatGPT. I told ChatGPT that it had to keep my same style of thinking and writing. Then I told it to see if it could make what I wrote better. In a sense, I used it as an editor, but I stayed in control of the spirit of the text since I think it is cheating to have someone else write or edit something for you to make you look better or more intelligent than you are. What is projected into the world by cheating in this way is false and therefore people will connect with not the real you. Believe me, it feels very lonely when people connect with you in a way that you know is not the real you. You definitely do not get the awesome reward of being loved for being who you are by playing games in this way.
The text I wrote is dear to me as it shares something very tender to my heart: To love those who attack me and only act with boundaries from a loving space is something that takes great courage to want to develop. And it takes situations to practice on! (Laughing, not laughing right now.)
So here it comes- The first text I wrote without ChatGPT about hurtful words. After this text, you will be able to see the text with ChatGPT influence. Let us journey together what possibilities ChatGPT has when used ethically and lovingly.
First the ‘unadulterated’ text
So here it is- This is the first text I wrote without ChatGPT about hurtful words. After this text, you will be able to see the text with ChatGPT influence. Let us journey together what possibilities ChatGPT has when used ethically and lovingly.
First original text:
Aug 8, 2023
“You sent two retarded* kids back to the Ukraine!” This unexpected attack was hurled at me in the middle of the reception area of my physical therapist today. Yeah, and the timing of this was impeccable- literally right after I just got done getting worked on: I have been dealing with three to four-day headaches every month for about five years now. Courage finally rose up in me to ask my doctor to help me. He sent me to physical therapy. The headaches were determined to have nothing to do with hormones and boiled down to muscle tension as the culprit- just in case you wanted to know 🙂.
It is true that I sent back two ‘retarded’* kids to Ukraine, along with their mother, who obviously had some mental disabilities as well. It has been just over a year now since they left. My partner and I packed them up. I drove them to The Czech Republic bus station with service to Ukraine, where I gave them one last hug and put them on the bus to never see them again.
These are facts that cannot be denied or changed. I have been judged as unforgivably guilty…well, at least by this woman who uttered these charges at me.
What would you judge if you only knew this much of the story? More importantly to my own self-reflection, how many times have I been guilty of judging others and treating them the way this woman treated me? Being on the receiving end of this scathing judgment makes me feel pure remorse for treating anyone this way in the past.
Being found guilty and deserving of retaliation feels scary. It scares me what humans are capable of when they decide you are a terrible person. Maybe it scares me most because of what humans have done to me when they decide it’s time to make me pay for something, whether I am guilty or not. I am shivering as I just slightly remember the many moments this has happened to me.
Oh man! Lord! Forgive me for all the times I have judged others and made them feel like this woman made me feel. And forgive this woman who does not know how to have an ear and a heart of understanding and forgiveness! Please heal the damage these episodes of unforgiveness have done in people’s lives! I totally plead The Blood for all of us who are guilty of unforgiveness. And I know that The Blood, Your Son’s sacrifice, covered us while we were/are yet sinners (Romans 5:8). I thank You for Your forgiveness. Your forgiveness of everyone is more important than our forgiveness or unforgiveness of anything. And Your forgiveness supersedes all unforgiveness of humans! Through You, we are set free, even from those who would try to keep us guilty (John 8:36)! May You and Your forgiveness be glorified and not our human unforgiveness.
This is a photo of me sitting by my computer with a tissue in my hand, is how I looked after I came back from the physical therapy appointment and started writing this blog post..
This is a deeply sad and remorseful day for me. This woman is a Believer who attacked me. I’m a Believer. We both fall short of The Glory of God. Trust me, I have cried a lot today because of this recognition of how we have forgotten as Believers that we are COMMANDED by our Lord and Savior to forgive. Maybe we have not forgotten, maybe we have just decided it is not important. Or maybe we are just struggling to forgive even though we know we should. Sometimes it is soooo hard to forgive. Maybe it is a combination of all the above that we treat our responsibility to forgive lightly.
Y’all know tons of Bible Scriptures that tell us to forgive because we have been forgiven by God. Most of us have heard these passages for decades and have become numb to them to our disgrace.
Let me be clear: Hurt people hurt people. Let me say it again: Hurt people hurt people. This is a sentence without a comma. Because people who are hurt, do hurt other people. YOU stay hurt when you don’t forgive and you hurt others right along with yourself. I’m really feeling the truth of this today from this interaction with this lady. I choose forgiveness today! I choose to accept the forgiveness of God through Jesus for the times I was in this woman’s shoes judging and condemning others. I choose to forgive this woman. And I choose to let this forgiveness heal me and make me less hurt, more healed so that I hurt others and myself less and less.
I just FREAKING CHOOSE FORGIVENESS!
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I just FREAKING CHOOSE FORGIVENESS! 〰️
I bless that woman for being the catalyst of receiving more ointment for my eyes so that I can clearly see (Revelation 3:18). I bless that woman for helping me dive deeper into loving others as myself by exercising forgiveness as Christ forgave. I bless that woman for helping me deepen my love for her, for myself, for God and His ways, and for all mankind by choosing forgiveness, not based on anyone deserving it, but based on the gift of God through Jesus.
What a painful, blessed, joyous day this has been!
What now, my loved fellow human, will you choose?
*P.S.- I have a special needs adult son that my partner and I take care of. I don’t use the word retarded in everyday language. Retarded was the word the woman who attacked me used and I am merely quoting her words so you can get a partial picture of what I was confronted with.
P.P.S.- For those of you who are on the edge of your seat wanting to know more details about why I helped those two children and their mother get back to Ukraine, you can see part of the story on this YouTube video I made concerning this matter.
Our Ukrainian Refugees- 1 year in review
….end of original text. Keep reading this post below the image to explore the text altered by ChatGPT.
Hang on to your seatbelts- We are going on a ChatGPT ride!
Now, we will go on the ride of what popped out when I ran this text through ChatGPT. And by the way, I use ChatGPt in a way that creates more work for myself, not less. It makes me think and learn to be clearer. It makes me better with time.
ChatGPT reworking my original text:
Aug 8, 2023
In the bustling reception area of my physical therapist's office, an unexpected storm of hurtful words rained down on me: 'You sent two retarded* kids back to the Ukraine!' The timing felt almost impeccable, and my heart sank as the woman's harsh attack pierced through my vulnerability. For five years, I've battled recurring headaches, and today, as courage finally nudged me to seek help, this painful encounter led me to confront not only my own suffering but also the way I may have unknowingly caused pain to others. Deep self-reflection was inevitable.
It is true that I sent back two 'retarded' kids to Ukraine, along with their mother, who also faced her own mental disabilities. More than a year has passed since they left, and the memory of that day remains vivid. I carefully packed their belongings with the help of my partner, knowing the journey they were about to embark on was profound. At The Czech Republic bus station, it was an emotional moment with just the mother and her two children. As I bid them one last hug, feeling the weight of my decision settle upon me, I knew this farewell marked the beginning of a new chapter for all of us—one filled with uncertainty and the need for forgiveness.
Me with the Ukrainian family we sent home.
These are facts that cannot be denied or changed. I have been judged as unforgivably guilty...well, at least by this woman who uttered these charges at me.
What would you judge if you only knew this much of the story? More importantly to my own self-reflection, how many times have I been guilty of judging others and treating them the way this woman treated me? Being on the receiving end of this scathing judgment makes me feel pure remorse and disgust for having possibly treated anyone this way.
This woman is a Believer who attacked me. I’m a Believer. We both fall short of The Glory of God. Trust me, I have cried a lot today because of this recognition of how we have forgotten as Believers that we are COMMANDED by our Lord and Savior to forgive. Maybe we have not forgotten, maybe we have just decided it is not important. Or maybe we are just struggling to forgive even though we know we should. Sometimes it is soooo hard to forgive. Maybe it is a combination of all the above that we treat our responsibility to forgive lightly.
Lord, I face the hurt straight on caused by others and the hurt I may have caused, I turn to You in prayer. Your words in Romans 5:8 and John 8:36 remind me of Your boundless love and forgiveness. You demonstrated Your love by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners, and through Your Son, we are set free. Today, I choose to embrace forgiveness as an act of love and reflection of the forgiveness I have received through Your grace. Help me to extend this forgiveness not only to others but also to myself. My heart is heavy with the desire for healing and transformation for all involved. I earnestly pray for the woman who attacked me, that she may find peace, understanding, and love in her heart. May Your love and forgiveness be glorified in all I do. Amen.
Y’all know tons of Bible Scriptures that tell us to forgive because we have been forgiven by God. Most of us have heard these passages for decades and have become numb to them to our disgrace.
Let me be clear- Hurt people, hurt people. YOU stay hurt when you don’t forgive and you hurt others right along with yourself. I’m really feeling the truth of this today from this interaction with this lady. I choose forgiveness today! I choose to accept the forgiveness of God through Jesus for the times I was in this woman’s shoes judging and condemning others. I choose to forgive this woman. And I choose to let this forgiveness heal me and make me less hurt, more healed so that I hurt others and myself less and less.
I just FREAKING CHOOSE FORGIVENESS!
〰️
I just FREAKING CHOOSE FORGIVENESS! 〰️
I bless that woman for being the catalyst of receiving more ointment for my eyes so that I can clearly see (Revelation 3:18). I bless that woman for helping me dive deeper into loving others as myself by exercising forgiveness as Christ forgave. I bless that woman for helping me deepen my love for her, for myself, for God and His ways, and for all mankind by choosing forgiveness, not based on anyone deserving it, but based on the gift of God through Jesus.
What a painful, blessed, joyous day this has been!
What now, my loved fellow human, will you choose?
*P.S. I have a special needs adult son that my partner and I take care of. I don’t use the word retarded in everyday language. Retarded was the word the woman who attacked me used, and I am merely quoting her words so you can get a partial picture of what I was confronted with.
P.P.S. For those of you who are on the edge of your seat wanting to know more details about why I helped those two children and their mother get back to Ukraine, you can see part of the story on this YouTube video I made concerning this matter.
Our Ukrainian Refugees- 1 year in review
…End of ChatGPT text.
So, what do you think? I suppose I will only hear your response if you leave a comment on that YouTube video I linked to share your thoughts. The question is still important and valid to consider for yourself whether you share your thoughts with me or not. I would love to hear from you though 🙋♀️.
What ChatGPT did to me
Let me tell you what happened after I got this second text from ChatGPT. First, I got mad.
You see, when I was young, I got bullied because I used elegant words that I was learning in school. Teachers love helping you learn vocabulary and I took it to heart for a long time to use elegant vocabulary in speech and writing. And then, the culture around me, both at my age level and adults winced their faces and told me over and over to talk like a normal person. I did not get the honor of growing up with people around me who had the value of using beautiful vocabulary. As a young person trying to get less abused, I used less vocabulary until I could be understood by those I was speaking to.
How does this have anything to do with ChatGPT? Well, ChatGPT happened to write more similar to the real way that I was naturally set before the interference from the culture around me shut the true me down. And that true me is gone because I did not practice all these years with vocabulary in everyday speech and writing. It is at least gone temporarily unless I do the hard work of ‘learning it all back’ (I know- that last sentence was “lower” speech. 😔).
Life sometimes has us decide to make choices to survive our circumstances instead of being true to who we are. I made choices based on fear many times in my life, and this is one of those direct ways. May I repent and use whatever language The Holy Spirit decides is the most loving to use. And since this post is really all about love and forgiveness, I forgive those souls who were hurt and projected their hurt onto me by bullying me because of my vocabulary.
After my initial reaction to seeing the differences between the two texts, I read each of them over and over. I could not decide which one was better. They were just different. My original text is more raw and shares my emotions more genuinely in some ways. But it is not as clear to understand and definitely not as elegant in language. And the ChatGPT version shares my feelings well enough.
I decided to get another opinion. I called in my partner to look over the two texts and help me make a decision. He had similar reactions. He felt the ChatGPT version was better written, but the original version was emotional and had its own strengths.
My partner suggested that I incorporate both of the texts and make a blog post on ChatGPT as well as on confronting hurtful words. And so, this ‘work of literary art’ was created out of his suggestion 😂.
This is my personal commitment statement in using ChatGPT: I will use it to enhance my writing and clarity. I will use it for ideas and some research. I will not let it do all of the work of making blog posts, emails, or social media posts from scratch. What is in my written content that I write from the heart will be in what I post anywhere, it just might be corrected with grammar, spelling, and clarity for the love of all of us! Lol! And if I use ChatGPT, I will let you know I did and how I did. Well, I just did that for this post😉.
I want to be the real me and show up to connect with the real you. This is where the spark of God inside each of us dwells as we are His Temple. I’m glad God made you. You are a gift made by Him. May we all work on healing our hurts and functioning more in a Christ-like manner as we were created to do!
(Btw- I did not use ChatGPT to touch up the writing around the two texts that are here to compare. This way you can really see the differences in my writing with and without ChatGPT 😊.)
We Are Owned By Love,
Katrina
P.S. Consider sharing this article with others who you see struggling with feeling and being Owned by Love. Oh, what sweet love it is to help others get those breakthroughs in finally feeling loved!
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Thank you for helping more humans be Owned by Love!