The journey of becoming Love AND being welcomed into perfect Love
This writing feels like I am exposing some personal places of my inner self. It is a writing to give you a part of me. I want you to have it. I love you enough to give it to you. May it bless you on your journey…
Hello, my loved fellow human!
It has not been typical for me to post something like this post is going to be. At first, it might seem that this ‘poem’ of sorts doesn’t fit with giving you tools so that you, too, can find freedom in your relationship with God, yourself, and others. But it oddly does fit.
I wrote this when I really felt like my life was about to make major changes.
I had no idea how. Something outside me did not necessarily indicate it, but I felt it. Maybe some of you can relate to this feeling. It feels to me like just when you can sense it’s about to rain outside, but the rain is not there, and you don’t know exactly when it actually will come. And maybe people around you don’t even feel that way, but something tells you it’s gonna rain.
When I wrote this piece of work, it was just months before Covid changed the world where I was living (Germany, to be specific). Covid was just something that was happening in China and other places. It was not completely clear whether it would become a pandemic that would plague all of us in one way or another for the next years of our lives.
My feelings below actually did not come from the Covid awareness, although it is uncanny that my internal changes seem to follow the outside changes.
But why am I sharing this, and why would you even want to know my story or how this ‘poem’ of sorts pertains to having tools to be more owned by love?
Well, if you have taken part of this path already to being owned more by love, or you are getting to a place in life where you feel the urge to start down this path, this poem might give you some insights by hearing how some of the journey into love has been for me. Maybe it will be a useful guide, which is a tool. Maybe it will encourage, which can be another tool. Maybe you won’t feel all alone as you travel down that path yourself. You see, when you take that path, you have to do the work yourself, which can feel very lonely.
BUT, if you understand that others are on that same path with you, doing their own work, you may not feel so lonely when you read this. Let’s dive in!
The journey of becoming Love AND being welcomed into perfect Love
by Katrina McHyde on March 27, 2020
Sigh- a breath taken for the journey left in my life.
The journey to becoming a pair of arms perfect in love
and at the same time
Being welcomed into Perfect Love’s arms
To come deeper into awareness of being truly loved and accepted for me
is the deepest joy and pain,
the truest relief into peace and torture.
The acceptance of that love is a courageous sacrifice
to let down all blockades of the heart,
let it stand naked,
able to be fully accessed.
The one you open your heart to has the power
to wound your heart,
or help it heal.
Will that one person choose to wound or help heal?
They will choose and I have to accept both possibilities,
keeping the opportunity open to fully being loved,
or injured through heartbreak.
Can I fully love back even to the death of me?
Can I sustain a living torture where I choose to still love even if it’s not reciprocated?
Only if I can choose that have I truly given my heart without any strings attached:
THAT is a pure love.
Considering pure love-
Am I willing to love back in the same way that True Love loves me?
I’m stepping into it.
I’m practicing and choosing it more day by day.
I have not fully arrived but I’m on the path,
a path that feels like a tightrope
with heavy treasures to pick up as I find the courage to walk forward.
I realize today that I have not fully given my heart to God/Love.
I haven’t known how to.
I have seen many people act out a love for God,
but it has always felt like contrived love to a greater or lesser extent.
I hate that preachy, religious, artificial feeling,
love of God that I see dancing before my eyes.
I also hate that I have part of that happening in my own heart.
It reeks of a chemical-flavored filler instead of a naturally provided taste.
It makes me want to spew the experience out of my mouth and mind…
But I get it.
I get why we humans put that artificial taste in our love for God.
We are trying to at least to give something.
Our intention is to try.
We just get too satisfied along the way and don’t seem to do the hard thing of slowly exchanging that
artificial space with natural love that is not worked up or contrived.
But once you have tasted a little of the genuine love
and have your taste buds awakened to what can be,
the intensity of the repulsion for the artificial is just made stronger.
You can never go back to not knowing that kind of love.
It changes your perception of everything and everyone forever
including the perception of yourself.
The deep likes and dislikes of myself..self-love.. become strongly tangible.
It’s an overwhelming taste that is over-pleasurable and therefore hurts,
but also addicting.
I can’t get enough of trying another bite as I can handle stomaching it.
I am intense, this journey is intense.
I feel my own fear and press on.
I cannot even imagine what it feels like for those around me,
seeing and feeling me through this change.
It must be a major challenge for them.
I know it is.
Some will stay with me and keep the challenge.
Others will choose to look the other way or run the other way.
I definitely don’t blame them.
This path I am choosing is not for everyone right now.
They choose not to be ready.
I think I have chosen not to be ready also because of ignorance most of my life.
I get it.
In my ignorance,
I did not really understand what I was choosing
and not choosing,
and the ramifications of using my free will in whatever direction my heart and/or head led it. Somehow, I have hit a developmental stage like a child.
I am still a child, even at my age.
I will always be a child.
There inside me is a growth spurt,
and I see from a different vantage point than I ever have before.
It feels like I had to climb life’s highest mountains,
and walk life’s deepest valleys to get here.
The view is taking my breath away on all levels right now- flesh, spirit, mind.
I physically am having a hard time breathing
which has nothing to do with the Corona virus plaguing the Earth right now as I write this.
It feels like a strong light in my eyes after being stuck in a cave all my life.
It hurts bad and good.
I will get used to this.
I will choose to live outside of the cave.
I will choose freedom…
And I know a part of me has to die to live that freedom.
It’s gonna hurt, and I will probably choose a slow death
just like I have already been choosing.
Sigh- a breath taken for the journey left in my life.
The journey to becoming a pair of arms perfect in love
and at the same time
Being welcomed into Perfect Love’s arms.
Wow, I’m impressed you made it this far! This is an unusual way for me to express myself, but it felt right in that moment.
If you are ready to explore more together, I hope you will consider downloading my e-book “Turning Fear Into Faith.” You can read more about what others thought about the e-book and download it right on this page.
I can’t wait to hear what you think about it.
We Are Owned By Love,
Katrina
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Thank you for helping more humans be Owned by Love!